Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
