i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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