i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
