I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
