I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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