I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
