i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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