dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
