its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
