i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love having hate sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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