her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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