I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
