There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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