There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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