Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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