I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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