I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
