I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
