Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
