I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
