put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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