hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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