just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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