am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
