new low.... made out with someone while peeing
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
