Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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