remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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