why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
