Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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