I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
