its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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