I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
