Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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