shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
