oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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