Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Terrible idea I love it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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