He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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