It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
