I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
