she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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