Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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