when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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