She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
