Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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