When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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