Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
