He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
