I cockslap morals
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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