he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
