I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The adults are the big ones right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
