Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That was an excessively violent trivia night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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