I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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