Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize