Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
