South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
