So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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