The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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