I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
