You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
